Stop the mind readers and bird poo trousers.

I've just been casually walking along minding my business thinking about how I might go home and pretend to have lost the plot when my fiancé gets home, you know how it is.

My first instinct was to go out and buy all the tin foil in my local supermarket and make a massive tin foil hat/helmet type thing and just cover one room floor to ceiling and everything in it in the shiny metallic stuff.
I reckon the bathroom would be best as a tin foil toilet would look hilarious. So I'd wrap my head up and cover the bathroom, put on some bizarre music, (star trekkin' or some sci fi noises) and wait. The minute she gets in I'd rush out stick her hat on, "here's one I made earlier!" And drag her into the bathroom. I'd make up some big elaborate story about aliens reading minds and how the tin foil can stop them taking our thoughts, hopes, dreams etc etc I'd probably bring up Princess Diana and some sort of conspiracy theory about it happening to her. Everyone who tin foils their head always mentions Diana. I'd of already set up my phone and be recording all this "to document the alien invasion!"
At this point this can go either way.. She will either just call me a dickhead and chip off to the front room to watch corrie or start to worry. I'm pretty sure it's the corrie option but if she does look a bit worried I'd then tell her that we have to sleep in the tin foil bath with the tin foil duvet so they can't track us with their scanning devices and wait patiently to be sectioned.
Oh and as I was thinking out this plan this guy decided to walk past and ruin my day with his bird poo jeans. Seriously who does he think he is? Those jeans are cut all wrong for him and why do they have those stains on them? A definite crime of fashion.
So this guy being so badly dressed has spoiled my plans and after work I'm just going to go home and sulk instead.
Anyway. I think I've had too much coffee today so Erm, ok bye.