The fabled stag do.

This weekend I go away on ANOTHER stag do, this time we opted for Nottingham, but have previously been Newcastle, Blackpool, etc etc. It seems about every six months someone else is getting married and wants to go away on a stag do an they always invite me. Everyone's favourite pisshead? Who knows.
The main difference this time is that I'm the best man so there is an expectation on me to be a little wilder and to give the stag "tasks" to do or maybe tie him up and we can all bum him or some other jovial and hilarious jokey thing. As far as organising this it was fairly painless everyone paid up and no one has given me any drama... Yet.

Now what to expect on the stag do, because all of the ones I have been on have pretty much been the same there seems to be a formula.
There will be one absolute monster, a beast of a man who will drink and drink and drink until he's a total nightmare and needs to be pretty much carried home, the most annoying thing about the "stag do monster" is that he will wake up the next morning fresh as a daisy and ready to "get the shots in" at about 10am while the rest of the group suffer from soul destroying hangovers. He considers himself the alpha male but in reality is more or less the equivalent of a small child.
There will also be the Bullshitter. This will normally be the single one, or the one that's been married over five years and has two kids. He will relentlessly talk about how much shagging he will be doing and bring back tales of wild nights, threesomes, Mexican dishwashers an any other story from the past that is a blatant lie. The Bullshitter will not have any sex and will spend the majority of the time being shunned before retreating into his shell of depression and self hatred.
There will also be the moaner, he's done all this before and done it better. Whatever's planned he will huff and puff an complain that the activities are too far away, not as good as ones he's done before or just shit. He will also moan all night every night. If the blokes talk to each other he will moan there are no women to talk to, if we talk to women he will moan if he doesn't get enough attention. The club we are in won't be as good as the one down the road. The hotel will be disgusting and there will also be a quicker way to drive home. We all hate him.
Then there's the rest of us, some with girlfriends some without just there for a good laugh and drink up with our mates. Excited for a weekend away but slightly embarrassed by the whole stag do bravado. These are the glue that holds the Stag do monster, the bullshitter and the moaner together for without us they would erupt into scores of violence, blood, lies, shots and washing up on the beach dead and bloated. (maybe not the beach in Nottingham though)
So I leave on Friday and come back Sunday, I'll take a few photos and maybe do another blog about it when I return if I'm not suffering from liver failure or have been killed by the locals for invading their city.
I decided to buck the trend as well and not buy hilarious t shirts, I'm sure that will go down really well, I haven't broken that news to the Moaner yet, I'm pretty sure the Stag do monster will have his hilarious nickname tattoo'd to his forehead anyway.
Wish me luck I'm going to need it see you in the other side.